hibillymayshere: BILLY MAYS!! (Default)
How to reach player?
PM: [personal profile] hibillymayshere

[Out Of Character]
Backtagging with this character: In just three hundred and fifty easy steps and five months of real time, you too can have a completed thread with me, BILLY MAYS!
Threadhopping with this character: I'm here to tell you about the amazing power of Oxi Clean, WHEREVER AND WHENEVER YOU MAY BE! Psychic cats invading your home? Try Oxi Clean to keep away those pesky felines! Squabbling with your sweetheart in a closed thread? BILLY MAYS will be there to show you how Oxi Clean can remove any stain, even the indelible marks of your traumatic past on your soul!
Fourthwalling: Dissolve even the most stubborn of fourth walls with the power of NEW OXI CLEAN!
Canon puncture: With Hercules Hooks, no longer need you put big, unsightly holes in your canon just to hang up a crossover!
Offensive subjects: Do not bring up Vince Offer. Do not bring up ShamWow.

[In Character]
Sexual/romantic orientation: BILLY MAYS loves you platonically, as a good uncle would.
Hugging this character: For the low, low price of $5.95!
Flirting with this character: But wait, there's more!
Giving this character a kiss: He will be Mighty Putty in your hands.
Something more intimate: Let BILLY MAYS be your own personal Steam Buddy!
Relationships: iCan, and now youCan too have a loving and devoted relationship with BILLY MAYS!
Dub-con/non-con/sexual assault: For once, BILLY MAYS says "don't Grab-It!"
Fighting with this character: You can try, but he's always got a Samurai Shark up his sleeve.
Injuring this character: Again, you can try, but this man is Liquid Diamond.
Killing this character: The grave cannot hold BILLY MAYS!
Using telepathy/mind reading abilities on this character: BILLY MAYS can withstand any mental attack with the help of new Zorbeez!
hibillymayshere: BILLY MAYS!! (Default)
The Player
Name/nickname: Willa
Age: 38
Pronouns: female
Contact: PM to [personal profile] hibillymayshere
Experience: five years of tabletop gaming and a few months on bakerstreet
Currently played characters: none

The Character
DW account: [personal profile] hibillymayshere
Alias: n/a
Age/Birthdate: 50 (born 1958)
Species: human
Canon: late night television
Canon point: glory days


BILLY MAYS possesses boundless energy and enthusiasm for the sales of fine products for home and business. He is tireless in his efforts, and as a result of the rift's effects he has gained the ability to make anyone buy anything. Once a person has heard his sales pitch, they must roll a will save or they will suddenly realize their life so far has been incomplete without the product BILLY MAYS has just told them about, and will do anything necessary to purchase it at the low, low price of four payments of just $19.95 plus shipping and handling.

BILLY MAYS always appears well-groomed, with a close-trimmed black beard and neatly combed-back hair. He is never seen wearing anything other than a blue button-down shirt and khaki pants, which are always kept flawlessly clean with the power of Oxi-Clean.

BILLY MAYS has a dream that in a not too distant future, all children will know the security and peace of mind that comes with knowing that iCan Health Insurance will tend to their every illness. He yearns for the day that fallen family photographs and torn drywall will be a thing of the past thanks to powerful, easy to use Hercules Hooks, and he weeps for the fallen textiles that could have been saved with the stain-fighting enzymes of Oxi Clean if only his message had come soon enough. BILLY MAYS is not the hero we want, but he is the hero we need.

Given mortal form by Stonge of the Galaxium in 1958, BILLY MAYS arrived as a fully formed adult man wearing the blue shirt and khaki pants by which he was to forever be known to the citizens of Earth. He began his career quietly, selling toothpicks on street corners, but gradually gained confidence in his own formidable abilities over the decades that followed until he finally became a fixture of late night television. From that electric pulpit he supplied the people of America with Ding Kings, Grab-Its and Hercules Hooks, bettering the world one fix-it at a time and saving the lives of innumerable people too stupid to operate a blanket.

Writing Sample:
On this night as parts of New York sleeps (New York never sleeps but parts of it have to), BILLY MAYS knows that destiny is calling. As he lays abed, shirt neatly buttoned and khakis neatly steam-pressed, he contemplates the enormity of his task. When the rift brought him here, it did not take him long to realize that this was not a random, meaningless happenstance. No, he came here for a reason. Having fought long and hard in the first world he called home to bring life-changing, life-saving devices into the homes and hearts of America, it now falls to him to do the same for this new world. Out there are thousands of people who have never considered inviting Jupiter Jack into their lives, nor known the gentle touch of a Samurai Shark.

So feeling and so knowing, BILLY MAYS lets his eyes flutter shut and casts his mind out into the ether. Someday soon he will once again reign supreme over the airwaves, but for now he will solve the problems of this world one dreamer at a time. Riding the currents, his mind comes to rest in the dream of another of Manhattan's denizens, It's the work of a moment to manifest himself, and he gives his new friend a benevolent, beatific smile before introducing himself in the manner to which he is accustomed.


Anything else?


hibillymayshere: BILLY MAYS!! (Default)

April 2014



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